Psst. My fiance would like a word. Don't worry, I'll be back next week with something extra girly:
"Landau, you poor son of a gun," a co-worker greeted me earlier this year. "Not only are you getting married, but your future wife is blogging about it." Little did I know then how right my anonymous colleague would be (HINT: His name is JIM PERSKIE).
Let's be honest. Guys don't dream about their weddings from their time as a little kid. I used to think marriage was a lifetime sentence of cooties. (I am proud to report that Ari is lice-free by the way).
Truthfully, the whole planning process can be pretty brutal for guys, so I asked Ari if I could have a guest column so all the soon-to-be brides out there could force one more thing on their fiancés. You're welcome, gentlemen.
Tips for future grooms
Buy a New Suit:
Oh, I'll just wear my gray suit. It's my favorite. Wait, why is the stare you're giving me burning a hole through my chest? As long as she doesn't make you wear a bow tie and a top hat, consider yourself lucky.
Learn to tell the difference between items that look exactly the same:
I like it.
But what about this one?
Oh, yeah. Much better.
I like this one the most.
What do you like about it?
It's way more weddingy.
Make up new words on the spot:
Weddingy? Just go with it.
Randomly throw out wedding questions so she thinks you care:
What kind of flowers are those? Mmmhmmm. Interesting. Also use this tactic to also get you out of trouble:
Where are all the cookies?
Honey, I'm concerned the dance floor won't be big enough.
Don't count on current husbands for help:
Nobody helped them when it was their turn. Don't worry. It'll be fun watching it happen to the next guy. Or so I'm told.
Be sure to put your foot down:
No, I'm not doing that! No way! No how!
Sorry, if the Phillie Phanatic can't officiate the ceremony, I don't see the point.
Somehow find a way for the Phillie Phanatic to become Jewish and graduate from rabbinical school in time for the ceremony:
The reason I haven't been sleeping much lately.
Spend your time on important matters:
The Phillies Jewish Heritage Night is Aug. 7. I'm thinking that would be the best time to approach him. He'll be in the best possible mindset.
Joel, what if we paid someone to dress up as the Phanatic and dance around at the reception?
OK, Ari, I'll speak to you again. But no more of this hiring a fake Phanatic business.
Eventually handle disappointment well:
Joel, the Phillies are playing a home game on our wedding day. Joel? Joel? ...
And at the end of the day, compromise:
What if we get married at the game? You know the Phillies have group rates! Still no? You're not compromising.
Finally, you better let her know when you're joking:
Seriously, Ari. I don't want the Phanatic at our wedding. There's no way on Earth I would think that would be awesome. But we can still invite him right? Ouch, my chest!
Oh, one last thing. Be prepared to miss the occasional sporting event for planning meetings:
I've been missing the Phillies a lot this year. Can you tell?
Also, check out bridal vendors at BlissBridalExpo.com.