When considering the sad state of Sammi Sweetheart in Miami this season, it's become quite helpful to think of hers and Ronnie's relationship as analogous to the relationship between a windshield and a bug.
Sammi's the bug.
That makes Ronnie the windshield. And it's Sammi's misfortune that not only has she gone SPLAT! against it, she's stuck so hard that no matter how much the windshield wipers (her friends) try to flick her off, they just can't dislodge her.
Sammi says she's done. But then everyone leaves Ronnie behind at the club and who just HAS to make sure he's OK? Sammi.
Ronnie spills into a cab and refuses to speak with her. Sammi says she's done! But then he shows up at the next nightspot, talking smack and acting exceptionally drunk, and who takes it upon themselves to bring him home and pour him into bed? Sammi.
If I had $5 every time Sammi said she was done with Ronnie, I'd be the proud owner of a sparkling new iPad. If Ronnie drank every time she said she was done, he'd be pickled.
At this stage, I can't believe anything that comes out of Sammi's mouth. Not because she's lying, necessarily, but because it's all colored through the prism of her relationship with Ron.
When, for instance, she says anyone who knew something about Ronnie's cheating and didn't tell her would be dead to her, I say ... meh. I'm sure that opinion'll change seven times before lunch.
"I can't explain me and Ron," she said last week. "Like, I'm hurting, but I'm happier with Ron than not with Ron."
Eventually, that ratio will flip over, right? Right? I mean, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. ... What's the rule for fool me four dozen times? Well, for starters, it leads to one sweetheart of a credibility problem. ...
What do you think? Am I being too harsh on Sammi? Can you relate to her issues? Sound off in the comments.
UPDATE: So here we are on Monday afternoon and there are reports trickling in and out about Sammi leaving Seaside over the weekend, only to return after a day.
What to make of this?
Well, for one thing, it means we've got to deal with SamRon for at least another season. Somewhat inexplicably, it's the story that will not die.
For another, Sammi's one tolerant girl. If the report on thecelebritycafe.com is accurate, she and Ronnie had a (nother) big fight. Only this time, it had to do with his cheating during the current season airing on MTV.
Is this what we have to look forward to? A season three that makes reference to season two in Miami, since the gang is still filming season three as two airs.
One other thing: How glad to you think Mike is that he never ended up with Sweetheart? My guess is pretty glad. Almost as glad as his accountant must be with reports of him maximizing his earning potential to the tune of millions -- potentially -- in income this year.