"Jersey Shore" gets romantic? Who'd a thunk it? A remarkably drama-free episode instead played relationship bingo. After the fireworks of the last couple of weeks, we should've expected a bit of a letdown sooner or later.

Strangest thing: The octet essentially became a quartet on this night, with Ronnie, Sammi, Snooki and Jenni largely non-players in all the action. Still, a lot of stuff going on. And, since this is the last new episode we'll get until Sept. 23, we're gonna take our time and treat this episode right. Much like Vinny's attempt to woo the sweet Ramona. So, we're going to take this recap slow and break it into three parts:

Part I: After the Smush

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Part II: The Time Machine

Part III: Love Connections

We'll get to After the Smush in a sec. Come back tomorrow for The Time Machine, then on Tuesday we'll wrap it all up with Love Connections. So, sit back, enjoy -

OK, watching the VMAs preshow right now. The cast has been on throughout the show. And now they're showing the "Jersey Shore" Eight schilling for the "Jackass" movie out next month... Can we all say OVEREXPOSURE? Because that's where these guys are going. Like "Friends" with Jean-Claude Van Damme...

Anyway, there will be plenty of time to examine the concept of Shark Jumping as it relates to "Jersey Shore." For now, let's get into the goings on After the Smush.

If ever they decide to remake the largely forgettable "Batman Forever," producers would be wise to stunt cast Angelina as Harvey "Two-Face" Dent. Yes, the character's a dude. And yeah, Tommy Lee Jones played him in the original. But we've got more than half a season of material to work with, and let me tell you, Angelina could totally nail that.

"I can't believe I even hooked up with Vinny," she says no more than 45 seconds into tonight's ep. "He's not my type. I was drunk, that's about it. You do stupid things when you're drunk."

Fast forward a while in the episode, as she's trying to tap dance around cheating on Jose - the gift-giving not-a-boyfriend of Angelina's who has just found out about the Angelina-Vinny hookup - and we get this from her:

"Some people think hookin' up means kissing. Some people think hookin' up is having sex. But if he's gonna think that I just kissed Vinny, um, then we don't got to go ahead and tell him anymore (giggle)."

Angelina is a piece of work. Pretty much an adult in age only. She may not have a problem with screwin' around - literally and figuratively. But her roomie's sure do. They have a soft spot for Jose, which leads to Snooki branding Angelina your common garden variety ho, and Mike calling her a hypocrite.

If not for Situation looking to create one by essentially forcing Ang to fess up to Jose, I'm betting he wouldn't have discovered all that went on until tonight's show aired.

Speaking of which, I deciphered a "Jersey Shore" code tonight, courtesy of Jenni. She's talkin' to Snooks about the Angelina-Jose situation... "It'll be hysterical for Jose to see the truth." What does it mean? It means, just wait for the episode to air. WEA. Wait for Episode to Air. Doesn't roll off the tongue like DTF or GTL, I suppose. But just as accurate.

More from Jenni: "I'd love to be the one who tells Jose."

Snooki: "You will."

Jenni: "I know."

Can't you just see the gears turning in both of their heads? You know what we could do? Write ... a letter! Sure, it didn't work so hot the first time, but it's SUCH a great idea. Let's hit the internet café...

But no, it's Mike who forces the situation while everyone's at a club. And yet, after weighing the situation, Jose decides to stick with Angelina for the time being, making him the guy version of Sammi in this warped Stand By Your Man (or Woman) approach to "Jersey Shore."

The interesting thing in all of this? We hear not one word from Vinny on hookin' up with his Voldemort. Was he desperate to push the memory from his mind? Or was he just blinded by excitement to see his family as the clan invaded Miami - and the "Jersey Shore" house - for a visit? That's what we'll tackle tomorrow in The Time Machine. Until then, sound off on what you thought about tonight's episode, especially the amoral hookup between Vinny and Angelina, and whether Jose's blinded by love or just ... blind.



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