Episode 10: "Gone, Baby, Gone"
Should've been called: "Takin' Out the Garbage"
The crew's time in Miami is coming to a close - either one or two weeks to go, depending on who you believe - and that means the tensions involved with living with the same group of people for weeks on end are starting to bubble to the surface.
Our story this week begins in the aftermath of last week's Mike-Angelina confrontation, with the Staten Island honey assaulting Mike in front of her friend Gina and random Beach Boy. (I bet the happiest time of his day was when Pauly kicked him out so the house could deal with its business; I only wonder why he even bothered to write his digits, however false, the first place. I mean, could he have been blamed for pulling a "30 Rock"-esque, "Lemon Out" maneuver? I think not...)
You get the feeling that while Angelina hasn't always been at the forefront of on-camera action throughout the group's Miami field trip, she has been the house whipping girl the entire time. After so much piling on, she's ready to check out. Again. And her roommates are openly mocking her while she's out in the yard stewing.
But as she's stewing, she's vowing not to take crap from anyone else the rest of her time in South Beach. Little do we know how little time she's got left.
More on her later. Next is time for Mike's date with Samantha, the model who left her number at the house for Mike to find, then post on the refrigerator so he doesn't lose it. Until Pauly decides to borrow it and have a little fun with the newly committed coupling of Sam and Ronnie. So he puts the number where Sammi can find it. Only before she goes all Defcon 5 on Ronnie, Pauly swoops in giggling to defuse anything before it explodes. Big of him, maybe he knows there's a bigger detonation brewing in the house.
(By the way, Pauly's turned into quite the trickster. Between this, his human alarm clock shenanigans and the impish refrain of "T-Shirt Tiiiiiiimmmmmmeeeee," Pauly's flying on cloud nine. Must be the love of the lovely Rosio.)
The crew heads to the club, although it's a quick trip, since Mike - after trying to hook up with his Samantha in the bathroom and being bounced by club security - is hot to head back to the house with his hot - and vocal - Canadian.
This first half hour darts by quickly, with no Snooki sightings. But when she does show up, look out...
Snooks is in the gelato shop, making up a shopping list for the perfect man. Let's recap her recipe for a true love connection:
1. Tan guido juicehead gorilla
2. Big sense of humor
3. Likes to party
4. Fist pumps
6. Isn't a jerk off (wouldn't we all want that?)
7. A dork at heart (aw... isn't that romantic? Excuse me, romantical)
8. Smells good
9. Pays for meals
10. Nympho (Girl knows what she wants...)
11. Likes pickles
12. Takes an interest in my hobbies
13. Is very protective
14. Not so serious (understandable; there's enough drama going on in the house)
16. Likes to sleep in
It is with this new guidebook in mind that Snooki joins the rest of the group - minus Angelina, who's decided to leave and has stayed home to pack - at the club, where she is out to find a guy. Too bad no ideal guy is in attendance, so she settles on Alex, one time hookup of ... wait for it... Angelina.
When the crew, Alex in tow, returns to the house, Angelina takes exception. It's times like this I feel the show should be renamed the Hypocrisy Hour. Honestly, what is it about these people that they can so easily and cavalierly go back on themselves, often within the same sentence. What does Angelina care about Alex and Snooki, if she's out the door. And she didn't have a problem sleeping with Vinny after he had already done the same with Snooki. It's enough to make your head explode...
Funny enough, it was the last straw for Snooks, who delicately removed her earrings before beginning to whomp on Angelina's ass.
The episode ends with Angelina out the door, having finally, irrevocably torched any and all bridges that existed between her and the other housemates - even Jenni and Sammi can coexist after their throwdown, and Ang can't hang tough another couple of weeks? - and Pauly already redecorating his room now that Ang is no longer one of his bunkmates.
"So, I come home and some dude's in my kitchen and Mike's sitting still. Mike's got ADD, so Mike never sits still. So, I'm worried at this point." - Ronnie, returning home after Angelina's slapping of Situation
"I've never had to deal with so much drama in my life." - Angelina. I find this very hard to believe.
"'Nobody likes me in this house.' Yeah, because you're fake." - Vinny on Angelina
"She wouldn't throw down with girls because they'd beat the hell out of her." - Mike, exhibiting another classic case of "Jersey Shore" foreshadowing
"Even though Samantha's there and she's hot, my head's still on swivel." - Mike, while at the club
"Mike brought the Canadian back, aye, and he wanted to show the Canadian what the Situation is all aboot." - Vinny, making the best Canadian joke since "How I Met Your Mother"
"This is Mike's wife. He finally found one as crazy as him." - Vinny, on Samantha
"I don't care. I don't feel good. I don't give a (expletive) what anybody feels in this house." - Angelina. Here's hoping she didn't want to stick around.
"Angelina needs to recognize her fault and just admit that she's wrong. But she's not the kind of girl that does that." - Pauly
"What do I have to do to find a guy? This is like (expletive) last summer all over again. What I'd love to find is a guide. A juicehead with my personality, my style and is not a cheater. Can I find that somewhere? Because I'm not gonna go on Match.com again." - Snooki
(By the way, Snooki's gelato shop ensemble, particularly the knee-high socks? Not working. Not that day. Not today. Not ever. ... Never thought I'd go all Mr. Blackwell, but c'mon. An ugly look's an ugly look.)
"You leave the first week in Jersey, might as well leave the last week in Miami, you know? Keep some kind of balance." - Ronnie, summing up the in-house feelings toward Ms. Angelina.
"Obviously, none of you like me. So, it's like I could stay with a bunch of fake people who don't like me. Or, I could leave and -" - Angelina
"Well, how about this? I'll speak for everybody and you can get the (expletive) out. Because you left Jersey and you might as well leave now, too." - Mike, interrupting Angelina
"If you want to make out with me, just ask. I will say yes." - Snooki, about Angelina
"OK. Hold my earrings, please." - Snooki, pre beatdown
"I kind of felt like maybe somebody would have a heart as to tell me not to go and I kind of wanted that and I kind of hoped for that. But, um, of course I was wrong with that again." - Angelina. Let me get this straight. You call everyone fake and want them to ask you to stay? The woman is seriously deluded.
So, that's about it for this week. Big happenings in Miami as the show's second season comes to a close. Only a few weeks left, then it's on to the reunion special, filmed here in A.C. What did you think of "Gone, Baby, Gone"? Did it live up to all "Jersey Shore" has delivered during its season? Sound off on the comments... Come on, you know you want to. Then come back later when the ratings are posted.