OK, this is just sick.
TVbythenumbers.com is reporting last night's episode snagged 6.5 million viewers. Every time you think it can't go higher, it does; at this rate, it'll hit 10 mil by the season finale, which is just cra-zee.
Of course, with action like we've seen the last two weeks, no one should be surprised it's glowing white hot.
We should’ve known we’d be in for a wild ride as soon as we saw Snooks and Jenni in oversized sombreros. It should be noted that everyone should own their own oversized sombrero, if only to give us an excuse to use the extra large margarita glasses...
The steel cage match between Jenni and Sammi is gonna dominate “Jersey Shore” talk in the next week, but there were plenty of other things that knocked me for a loop this week: Snooki-n-Vinny, Part II; Situation being blinded by blondes, in ways good and bad; Pauly kissing Angelina; the return of Mike’s sister Melissa; and Ronnie’s mouthing “Oh my God” right before the fists start flyin’ (Speaking of which, if ever an episode of “Jersey Shore” needed to be upfitted for 3-D, this was it. Who wouldn’t have loved seeing J-Woww’s fists of fury popping out at them from the screen? MTV, get on that...)
Quickly, then, here are some of the non-pugilistic highlights...
Vinny owes Snooki a BIG thank you: Snooki’s looking for one of the guys to cuddle with one night and quickly discards Pauly and Mike as possibilities (Fun fact: Situation sleeps in a pair of bikini briefs... shudder...). It’s telling that she goes nowhere near Ron’s bed, at least that the cameras show us. Instead, it’s back to visit Vinny, whom she hooked up with earlier this season. One thing leads to another, she puts on her “jammies” (Snooks is a jammies kinda girl... who knew?) and the two become the show’s latest love connection.
And this is what Vinny should be thanking his lucky stars for: Snooki’s description of the night before to Sammi: “Sam, you have no idea how big his thing is,” she begins, spreading her hands a good 18 inches or so. “It’s like putting a watermelon in a pin hole.”
Hyperbole? Uh, yeah. Is it going to stop any woman watching “Jersey Shore” from looking at Vin in a whole new light? Probably not.
Mike hugs it out: Or, as close to hugging it out as “Jersey Shore” gets. Sammi stays behind while Jenni, Snooki and Angelina hit the beach. She’s still reeling from The Letter and not knowing who to believe. And who is it that talks straight to her? Good ’ol Situation...
“What are you doing?” he says to her. “It’s none of my business. I mean, he’s my boy, but you know, it’s very one sided. I don’t see how you see it. He’s 100 percent wrong. You know what I mean?”
Sammi: “He doesn’t see that.”
Mike: “C’mon Sam. He (expletive) up hardcore and made you look stupid. I don’t understand, like, what you’re doing.”
Straight talk from a stand-up guy ... unless he’s trying to sleep with you and bounce you quickly, when he’ll call you a cab and quickly usher you out the door. That’s our Mike...
We should remember that earlier this season he made a stab at telling Sammi to wise up, and got the brief nickname of The Instigation. Is he jonesing to get with Sam? Who knows? But as opposed to Jenni, who couldn’t work harder to avoid admitting to writing The Letter if she took out a billboard announcing as much, Mike’s not letting Sammi twist in the wind. ...
Kiss and Tell: OK, so you mean to tell me that a) Pauly, after all the junk Angelina’s thrown his way, is still going to start kissing Angelina? And b) Sammi, driven to work with Angelina by Ronnie, is going to lean around to the driver’s seat and kiss him goodbye? What am I missing? Is there something in the RonRon Juice that makes everyone forget what has happened to them? Or do they all have ADD?
“You know what I think it is? Honestly, your eyebrows are so busy that they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyes would.” — Pauly, about Vinny’s eye bothering him. Again. Good to see you again, Pauly D. You’ve been M.I.A. in MIA for a while.
“I’m not ready to perform right now. I’m like a Ferrari. I’m high maintenance, OK?” — Mike. Having brought a woman back to the house, he’s leaves her alone while he goes to the kitchen and fixes himself a plate of food. Which leaves us to assume only that this girl saw the cameras and thought: 15 minutes of fame. Or, someone’s got serious self-esteem issues.
“Nobody pulls any weight. Now I know why Mike gets pissed.” — Jenni, when forced to cook the bulk of Sunday dinner alone.
“It’s homemade. I hope you like it. If you don’t. Kiss my ass.” — Jenni, as the house sits down to eat. If I were on her bad side — Angelina, Sammi, this means you — I’d have someone taste it. Or, like Sammi, just not eat any of it, one of several little digs that led to The Confrontation.
And finally, the exchange of the night, which I’d forgotten about until just now:
Vinny, showing off a new chain before Melissa gets to the house: “You see my new bling?”
Jenni: “Well, I like it. I just hope it’s not real.”
Vinny: It’s like your (expletive). It looks sick, but it’s fake.”
Jenni smirks: “Hey, they’re paid for in full.”
At least she’s honest about that, I guess. What did you think about last night’s ep? Did it meet your expectations? Are you as excited as I to see how The Confrontation ends next week. Hard to believe, we’re at the midpoint of season two, so the next few days will look back on how we got here before looking ahead to next week’s edition of “Jersey Shore: Fight Club.”
Till then, GTL, baby. GTL.