Dear Abby: My fiance and I have been engaged for two years. Our wedding is set for a year from now. I’m thinking about calling off our wedding, not because I don’t love him, or because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I want that. It’s because I’m the only one with a decent job. He has a job, but doesn’t earn enough to support us.
I can’t be the only one earning an income. How are we supposed to move out of our parents’ houses and start a life together if I’m the one doing everything? What will happen when things need to start getting paid for, and there’s no guarantee he’ll find something? I have talked to him about it, and he’s angry. He knows it’s time to change his life around and get serious.
Should I keep the date and keep my fingers crossed he’ll find a job by then, or postpone our wedding, which has a venue but nothing else planned? I don’t need to get married anytime soon, and I’d prefer to wait until he can support himself and we are in a better place financially. Then I feel like we could move forward. Am I making the right decision? — Cautious in New Jersey
Dear Abby: My fiance and I are getting married in a year. We have some very close gay friend…
Dear Cautious: Yes, you are. You are thinking with your head instead of being swept away by your emotions, and I applaud you for it. I have said for many years that before a woman marries she should be able to support herself, in case future circumstances require it. Well, the same is true for a man.
Dear Abby: I am a gay man. Recently, I rekindled a relationship I had with a guy I was close with many years ago. We have a lot of the same interests.
When he asked what it would take for us to be permanent, I asked that he stop smoking pot. He responded that he does it only “two or three times a year” and that for me to make that request was “controlling.” I asked him for no other changes.
I hate the smell of smoke, and pot is illegal in our state, so I broke it off because he wouldn’t agree. Did I do the right thing? — Tony in Florida
Dear Abby: Because I had a promiscuous past prior to getting married, it was understandable …
Dear Tony: Yes, because his response to your simple request indicates that any accommodation you asked of him would likely be met with the same reaction.
Dear Abby: My 63-year-old husband refuses to cut his hair. It is gray and thinning and is now longer than mine. Even when it’s clean it looks dirty.
I was raised to take pride in my appearance. If I say anything about it, he thinks it’s funny, or the other extreme, that I am picking on him. He’s not a rock star or a young lad. Please help. — Neat and Clean in California
Dear Neat and Clean: I’ll try. Your mistake is making his problem —poor grooming — your problem. Continue to take pride in your appearance, and if he prefers to look like an old hippie, let him. Neither you nor I can change him, and because his tresses are thinning, the problem may resolve itself.
Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or at dearabby.com.