Mary Oves
Mary Oves Danny Drake

I've been developing old lady habits lately.

I wear sweatpants all weekend. No makeup. I consider four movies and popcorn while sitting on my couch the perfect Saturday night. I take great joy in making roast chicken and mashed potatoes for my sons. I'm forever searching for the perfect pan fried pork chop recipe. I wear moisturizer to bed, and have a bottle of water near my bed to ward off dehydration.

I roll my eyes at my brash young students when they tell me their weekend exploits. "Fine fine, but were you safe?" I ask them. "Did you wear your seatbelt?" I end every Friday class with "Don't text and drive!"

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Then it's their turn to roll their eyes at me.

But I don't care. Because at 44 years of age, I have earned the right to preach. And to be boring.

Lately I have been watching "Jeopardy" at 7 p.m., followed by "Seinfeld." I am careful to take my dog for his long walk at 6 p.m., so I can be ready for Alex. Isn't that the first sign of Old Lady-Dom, when you schedule your whole day around a game show?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

But maybe I should fear not. My sons' schedules keep me hopping in circles. So I'm unable to get into too much of a fuddy duddy routine.

But when they're gone? I think it's inevitable. So I have allowed myself the luxury to imagine a day in my life when I am an old lady. I think it will go something like this. (Note: the weather will be nice in this simulation. I can't imagine spending winters in Ocean City when I am old. I like golfing and tennis too much.)

4:00 a.m.: Get up and use the lavatory. Yes, really, I am a morning person.

4:01: Brush my teeth, put on my comfy sweatpants.

4:05: Coffee.

4:30: Walk dog if have one, but doubt it: after Mojo is gone, there will be no replacing him.

5:00: Read papers. For hours. Inky, NY Times, Daily News. Heaven.

7:00: Breakfast of cereal and fresh fruit.

8:00: Walk boardwalk (or beach, mountain trail, not sure where I will be)

9:30: After husband goes golfing with men's league, I go to library or book store. Probably latter. Libraries don't allow coffee. More coffee.

11:00: Shop for dinner. Heart healthy ingredients. Light lunch.

Noon: Get corny golf outfit on. Meet girls for women's golf league.

About 1:00: Yell at husband for making fun of my swing on the 8th tee.

3:00: Get done golf round. Drinks and snacks.

4:00: So glad to be home. Plan to go to early bird special with hub.

6:00: Home. Cup of tea or glass of wine, watch evening news.

7:00: Hubby. Alex. Jeopardy.

8:00: Time for bed. 4:00 a.m. comes around early.

Sounds nice. Unless I'm on a cruise, or on a horse, or on my bike, this sounds really really nice

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