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Regarding the June 17 Meghan Daum column, "Why are women unhappy? Is it feminism? Or Angelina?":

Here are some reasons why women might be unhappy:

Men, as a group, have the need to play hero/children. They want power over others while demanding service and care from their intimate partners. The hero need is played out as, "My building (car, body part, etc.) is bigger than yours" and "My dad (or nation) can beat up yours." The child part is played out with "Where are my socks?" and "Fix my dinner," etc.

And when frustration for our hero goes beyond his ability to control himself, who is the likely victim of his rage? His wife and children. In terrible economic times, the lives of women are in even greater danger from domestic abuse.

Meanwhile, women are expected to pull our weight in any job for roughly three-quarters of the salary men get for the same job. Then we must go home and start the second job of homemaking while our hero comes in and relaxes in front of the TV.

Young women, by and large, have no idea what it took to get them the jobs they now have, even at 78 percent of men's salaries. They don't realize that in 1971, I could not buy a $300 television without my husband's signature, even though I was a wage earner and more responsible about money than he was.

Examine the lives of women in the Middle East today. Protected by their husbands or imprisoned by their husbands?

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said it best when she said women's rights are human rights. The abusive control over women is not a cultural issue. It is criminal treatment of one human being by another.

Why have feminist authors been taken out of print and why has the attention of the media switched to things that interest men?

Advertising has reverted back to stereotypical images of women after our fight in the '70s to change that.

Who runs most of the media? Are women in the majority there? Consider the murder of Dr. George Tiller for siding with women who needed to terminate their pregnancies. No one in the press even explores the reason why each woman made such a choice.

I imagine that Daum was just trying to write a cutesy column that her readers would enjoy. But consider the reality of women's lives and perhaps her question will answer itself. Women are unhappy because the subservient role shoved at us from time immemorial has once again reared its ugly head.

The only antidote is another feminist uprising because the work is not yet finished.

KATHI GRACE

Williamstown

14 comments:

• Lucinda (22) posts 12:48 pm

  From the Office of the Clark County Prosecuting Attorney (that is in Indiana, for you knuckle draggers who never left the pine barrens ) MYTH #1: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AFFECTS ONLY A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF THE POPULATION AND IS RARE. FACT: National studies estimate that 3 to 4 million women are beaten each year in our country. A study conducted in 1995 found that 31% of women surveyed admitted to having been physically assaulted by a husband or boyfriend. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in our country, and the FBI estimates that a woman is beaten every 15 seconds. Thirty percent of female homicide victims are killed by partners or ex-partners and 1,500 women are murdered as a result of domestic violence each year in the United States. MYTH #2: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OCCURS ONLY IN POOR, UNEDUCATED AND MINORITY FAMILIES. FACT: Studies of domestic violence consistently have found that battering occurs among all types of families, regardless of income, profession, region, ethnicity, educational level or race. However, the fact that lower income victims and abusers are over-represented in calls to police, battered women's shelters and social services may be due to a lack of other resources. MYTH #3: THE REAL PROBLEM IS COUPLES WHO ASSAULT EACH OTHER. WOMEN ARE JUST AS VIOLENT AS MEN. FACT: A well-publicized study conducted by Dr. Murray Strauss at the University of New Hampshire found that women use violent means to resolve conflict in relationships as often as men. However, the study also concluded that when the context and consequences of an assault are measured, the majority of victims are women. The U.S. Department of Justice has found that 95% of the victims of spouse abuse are female. Men can be victims, but it is rare. MYTH #4: ALCOHOL ABUSE CAUSES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. FACT: Although there is a high correlation between alcohol, or other substance abuse, and battering, it is not a causal relationship. Batterers use drinking as one of many excuses for their violence and as a way to place the responsibility for their violence elsewhere. Stopping the abusers' drinking will not stop the violence. Both battering and substance abuse need to be addressed separately, as overlapping yet independent problems. MYTH #5: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS USUALLY A ONE TIME, ISOLATED OCCURRENCE. FACT: Battering is a pattern of coercion and control that one person exerts over another. Battering is not just one physical attack. It includes the repeated use of a number of tactics, including intimidation, threats, economic deprivation, isolation and psychological and sexual abuse. Physical violence is just one of these tactics. The various forms of abuse utilized by batterers help to maintain power and control over their spouses and partners. MYTH #6: MEN WHO BATTER ARE OFTEN GOOD FATHERS AND SHOULD HAVE JOINT CUSTODY OF THEIR CHILDREN IF THE COUPLE SEPARATES. Fact: Studies have found that men who batter their wives also abuse their children in 70% of cases. Even when children are not directly abused, they suffer as a result of witnessing one parent assault another. Batterers often display an increased interest in their children at the time of separation, as a means of maintaining contact with, and thus control over, their partners. MYTH #7: WHEN THERE IS VIOLENCE IN THE FAMILY, ALL MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY ARE PARTICIPATING IN THE DYNAMIC, AND THEREFORE, ALL MUST CHANGE FOR THE VIOLENCE TO STOP. FACT: Only the batterer has the ability to stop the violence. Battering is a behavioral choice for which the batterer must be held accountable. Many battered women make numerous attempts to change their behavior in the hope that this will stop the abuse. This does not work. Changes in family members' behavior will not cause the batterer to be non-violent. MYTH #8: BATTERED WOMEN ARE MASOCHISTIC AND PROVOKE THE ABUSE. THEY MUST LIKE IT OR THEY WOULD LEAVE. FACT: Victim provocation is no more common in domestic violence than in any other crime. Battered women often make repeated attempts to leave violent relationships, but are prevented from doing so by increased violence and control tactics on the part of the abuser. Other factors which inhibit a victim's ability to leave include economic dependence, few viable options for housing and support, unhelpful responses from the criminal justice system or other agencies, social isolation, cultural or religious constraints, a commitment to the abuser and the relationship and fear of further violence. It has been estimated that the danger to a victim increases by 70% when she attempts to leave, as the abuser escalates his use of violence when he begins to lose control. MYTH #9: MEN HAVE A RIGHT TO DISCIPLINE THEIR PARTNERS FOR MISBEHAVING. BATTERING IS NOT A CRIME. FACT: While our society derives from a patriarchal legal system that afforded men the right to physically chastise their wives and children, we do not live under such a system now. Women and children are no longer considered the property of men, and domestic violence is a crime in every state In the country.

• Lucinda (22) posts 11:13 am

  According to the U.S. Census Bureau, "... The real median earnings of men who worked full-time, year-round remained unchanged between 2002 and 2003 at $40,668. The real median earnings of the comparable group of women declined by 0.6 percent to $30,724. ... The last time the female-to-male earnings ratio experienced an annual decline was between 1998 and 1999." Figures, graph and tables supporting these and other conclusions can be found in the August release of the Current Population Reports P60-226, Income, Poverty, and Health Insurance Coverage in the United States: 2003 (pages 2,6-8) URL: http://www.census.gov/prod/2004pubs/p60-226.pdf Wage Gaps Persist where Working Women Form Strong Majorities. The Bureau of Labor web site provides tables of median weekly earnings, as well as worker numbers, of full-time wage and salary workers by 200 detailed occupations and sex. The tables are available in either TEXT or PDF formats. These tables may be incorporated into Excel worksheets, sorted according to the relative percentages of women workers in the occupations. Weekly median earnings for women and men may than be compared in occupations where women form strong majorities. For a choice of table formats, TEXT or PDF, click on either option at: URL (Bureau of Labor): http://www.bls.gov/bls/blswage.htm For direct access to the pdf file: cpsaat39.pdf, click on: URL (Bureau of Labor): http://www.bls.gov/cps/cpsaat39.pdf Wage Gaps Persist Across Professional-Managerial Occupations. The Bureau of Labor tables noted above also provide a classification of occupations: for example, management, professional and related occupations. Once these tables are incorporated into Excel files, this or any other particular classification may be selected out of the total for specific median earnings comparisons. When done for this category, the wagegap is readily apparent. The U.S. Census Bureau has made available statistics on women’s and men’s earnings for several decades. By examining this time series of data, it is possible to get a feel for the changes and trends in earnings. One thing revealed by a simple visual examination of the series since 1960 is how closely the shapes of the two lines parallel each other. The dips and bumps in women’s and men’s earnings seem to move in tandem. Clearly, similar economic and social forces are at work in influencing the rise and fall of earnings for both sexes. Men’s earnings do not stand still and wait for women’s to catch up. The series of data points from 1960 onward provides a basis for a forecast of the future, although such forecasts are always estimates rather than hard certainties. When we used forecasting analyses to project the earnings of women and men into the future, to the year 2010, we found no evidence on which we could base a prediction for a closing (or widening) wage gap U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Reports, Series P-60, selected issues. To review reports available on line, click on: URL (Census Bureau): http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/income.html , then click on CPS Income Reports under the heading Current Population Reports(CPS) The basic data for addressing questions of a long term trends in the wage gap is available from the U.S. Census Bureau through their Historical Income Tables - People. To view all such tables, click on: URL: http://www.census.gov/hhes/income/histinc/incperdet.html

• stick236 (61) posts 8:45 am

  Ms. Grace's comment sound like they were written in 1971 and not today. Her first point about men wanting power and then taking it out on their wives and/or other women. Domestice violence is a problem but times have changed with new laws, domestic violence units and many legal changes to try and lower the rates of domestic violence. Her next comments about women making 3/4 of what a man does omits the fact that the latest study was routinely criticized for its methodology. Basically they didn't use the same criteria but tried to make the study look bad. For a simple example of the poor methodology you might take a man and woman working for a Police Dept. for 15 years. The study might say the women is not making the same as the man without taking into account the man is a Sergeant and the women a Police Officer. The middle east has its problems which are rooted in religion. Perhaps the writer could give some suggestions as to what we could do about it, I don't see any. She might also quote the woman who was the most vocal advocate of women's right in the middle east as opposed to Hilary Clinton. That woman was Laura Bush. The writer should maybe start watching some recent TV, I have to wonder if maybe her only channel is reruns on Nickolodeon at night. ARe things perfect, no they are not but this writer is employing 1970s logic to todays problems.

• Yugocif (92) posts 6:43 am

  Bawhahahahahahaha, now there is a laugh for you. Coors fits you!

• MrWhite (94) posts 4:34 am

  Oh please! Another moronic comment from a guy who took the name of a crap car and a dopey broad! The 3/4 salary is a myth, mainly because there are women who drop out of the job market because of pregnancy or because they would rather take on their family obligations first. That is all well and good, but business still must go on. To do so, those who are willing to do the job get paid and those who are not willing do not get paid. Abusing women? Only a coward and a scum hit a woman.Good or bad times have nothign to do witht the fact that only a lowlife would hit a woman. Feminist authors taken out of print? It probably because they haven't sold. There is always amazon.com for those who really want to read feminist dreck. As far as advertising? Are we talking about all advertising or advertising geared to men aged 18 to 35? Advertising is a business,and they will use with what works. As far as the assasination of Dr. Tiller? News broadcasts are limited by time and and news stories are limitd by space. There is too many facets of this story to cover why women get abortioons in 33 word paragraphs. Why women get abortions may be a side story, but it is not the main focus of the story: A controversial doctor gets killed. Instead of bashing all men why doesn't the letter writer focus on the mohammadan cult that allows for the abuse of women? What happens with Middle Eastern women is not a male vs. female issue, but a religious one. The smarmy responses are better than anythign in the comics. For the record, I prefer Coors. Keep it coming.

• Lucinda (22) posts 2:39 pm

  Mr Yugocif, You are never going to convince MrWhite that his responses are exactly what Kathi and all women would expect from a knuckle dragger. He just cannot help himself. When he says her letter makes him laugh, he really means the letter writer made him angry. Asking "Is this chick on her period?" is not a response from a letter that makes you laugh but one that hits close to home, or in his case, kicks him in his tiny testicles. This "man" will never let go of this, he is like a bulldog with a bone and he will just never get it.

• Yugocif (92) posts 2:11 pm

  MrWhite: If it gave you a good laugh you should have let it go at that. Instead you acted in the exact way the letter writer said you would act, like loser and a bully, which you are! Why don't you drink another Bud and see if you can belch your way though the alphabet and make farting noises with your hand and underarm.

• MrWhite (94) posts 1:45 pm

  Oversensitve? Are you kidding me? This letter is so ridiculous that it gave me a good laugh when I read it!Your smarminess yuogcif, gives me another good laugh!

• Yugocif (92) posts 4:46 pm

  I see two overly sensitive little boys whining and protesting over something in a way that only adds credibility to the letter writer's position.

• MrWhite (94) posts 2:22 pm

  Hey yugocif, this broad uses stereotypes a false contrast between American and Middle Eastern women, and phony evidence to bash men,and you cannot see it? This chick has more whines than a liquor store, and stupidity on the level demonstrated by Miss Grace should be mocked.

• Yugocif (92) posts 2:17 pm

  First it is MrWhite the troglodite and now toady fat the reefer king. We are blessed to have such a brain trust contributing to the comments. By the way toady fat it is "douchbag" not dooshbag. I will use it in a sentence for you "Todfiat is a dope smoking douchbag."

• todfiat (0) posts 11:30 am

  Gosh, i thought Miss Grace might be on to something, then i remembered theose predatory dooshbags, who, in between fake boob jobs and facelifts and plumped lips and botox shots, ruined so many mens' lives. Have you met them: Christine in Ventnor? Gerry in A.C.? Marsha and Tia in Linwood? Patty and Kathy in Galloway? Vicki in Absecon? And several others, all infected with AmeriWomyn Disease. Abortions, adultery, quickie divorces, knocked-up, unfit mothers, multiple relationships and shack-ups with their child, after they sandbagged their hard-workings husbands with a high-priced divorce lawyer? Who will buy? Newly on the market, low-mileage middle-aged broads, yours for a song. Saggy boobs and sprawling butt included. They're still out there, looking for a shack-up, a fatherly type who doesn't mind the child-of-divorce they bring along with them, a daily remoinder of their mother's failure. In search of Mr. Goodbar, that rara avis. Someone with some moolah who can settle for a Sunday suck, followed by six days of shopping and phone yakking. Yes, that's them. No college degree required, a congenital talent for deception and selfishness is all that's needed, ladies. In fact, it often seems as if that characterizes 90% of the womyn in American, ne c'est pas? How about if I just leave your fee on the dresser, babycakes, like I do with the ladies on Pacific Ave.?

• Yugocif (92) posts 7:44 am

  Mr White drives home Kathi's point.

• MrWhite (94) posts 4:27 am

  Is this chick on her period?

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